When I Grow Up

In the spirit of Mother’s Day this week, our Voice Sherea shares her story of what it means to be called as a mother.

Every night before my two young girls get ready for bed, we spend time enjoying their favorite books. Although my goal is to keep it to one favorite, the girls always end up choosing five or six. One night, my oldest daughter selected the book “When I Grow Up” to be included in the volumes of children’s stories we would enjoy that evening.

“When I Grow Up” had lots of cute pictures to keep kids interested and highlighted enough high profile careers to impress even the most eager-to-see-their-kids-be-successful parents. “Great choice,” I thought, as my mind danced at the thought of how much potential my daughter must have to already be planning her profession at the tender age of four.

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I read that book with more excitement than I ever mustered for Dr. Seuss. “You can become a female firefighter, a police officer, or a doctor. Wow! How great you would be if you achieved that!” I exclaimed to my girls. Big on making our marathon reading sessions interactive and wanting to make sure that my daughters understood, I asked my oldest which one of these great people she would like to be when she grew up.

Puzzled, my daughter looked at the book and then back up at me and replied “But mommy, where are you? I wanna be a mommy like you.”

Although grateful for her insight, the weight of what my daughter just said landed heavily on my heart. Had I really just convinced my daughter that the people in the story were not only great, but also so much greater than me? That all the other professions were something that would make her important, but being a mom was a choice that would lead her to insignificance?

After my girls were tucked in, I went to my own bed and used my pillow as a Kleenex to soak up my tears. My daughter made me realize that no matter what other career choices you make, the choice to also be a mother was a worthwhile calling, even if the only bonuses and raises you receive are comments like this from your children.

This poem is dedicated to all moms - full time moms, single moms, married moms, hardworking moms, and stay at home moms. Moms who let go of some personal dreams or goals to raise their children, moms who quit school because of their children, moms who went to school at night. Moms who stopped working after their kids were born, moms who worked harder after their kids were born.

There are many opportunities for women. Your job as a mom may not reward you with a physical check every Friday, but your occupation is great, your job is needed, and it could never be filled by anyone else.

realizing this I began to write……..

A Mommy Like You

I was reading a book to my daughter one night,

About growing up and all the choices of great people she could be.

A police officer, a waitress, a principal

A manager, and even a star on TV,

“Hey, you could be a doctor

And save the world from disease,

You could be a teacher

And teach children their ABC’s,

You could be a motivational speaker

And lift up others when they’re down,

You could be a musician

And compose beautiful arrangements of sound,

You can be an actress and perform in plays and movies

Entertaining audiences, now wouldn’t that be groovy?”

“You could be a ballerina

And dance all over the world,

You could be a famous football player

And they’ll say, ‘Hey, Is that a girl?’

You could be the first female President of the United States

You can be an astronaut and travel into outer space.”

“Now Sweetie, I know there are a lot of choices,

But you have a long while before you must choose”

And she said, “Mommy, I know exactly what I want to be”

“I want to be a Great Mommy, Just Like You!”

Copyright ©2003 Sheréa VéJauan ..

Featured Reader: Azadeh from Copenhagen, Denmark

From time to time, we’ll be featuring some of the best comments and feedback we receive from some of our readers around the world.  We recently received this message and testimony from our reader Azadeh from Copenhagen, Denmark.  Please keep her and her potential mission trip to Cambodia in prayer!  Thank you to all our readers for continuing to inspire us and for sharing how this blog has moved you!

I turned 30 in November of 2010. With this came a lot of fear about what I would do after graduation, where I would live and what career path I would take. I told a friend about my fears and we started to talk about my future job. I did not know what I wanted to do. That was when I was asked, “If you could do anything, what would it be?” I answered, “I would like to get out, travel and do missionary work.” This was after watching the movie “1040” by Jaeson Ma and reading a tweet of his that said: “Fear looks, Faith Jumps.” Without telling my friend about the motivation behind my desires, she suddenly told me: “I have only one word for you: JUMP.”

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To Know Your Purpose, You Must Know God

Have you ever prayed the same prayer over and over waiting for an answer?  Our friend Caroline shares how she was once lost, searching for purpose, but now has found drive and a calling.

A Greater Calling

Our friend Jon shares an incredible testimony about his struggles with depression and how close he came to giving up… until God called him! Jon reminds us that each of us has a greater purpose in life and that we must patiently live out our calling.

“Don’t look at the past. The First and Last has made everything new and you are too! So lift your head and let your story be told!” - Flyleaf

 “Where to begin?” I ask myself. To share my story of how far I’ve gone in my life is so much to cover. But I’ll begin to say that my story is no more important than anyone else, because I believe everyone has a story to tell. We all have something of great meaning to share. My name is Jon and this is my story.

 I guess you can say I somewhat grew up in a “Christian home.” But really how can you define a “Christian home?” I went to church like everyone else. I tried to be a good person and all, but it’s perfectly honest to say that when I was younger I was never strong in my Christian faith. You can easily say I was a Christian on the sidelines. I was just simply existing. I knew of God and Jesus, but was I living a life as He wanted me to live? The answer is no. I wasn’t really yet a follower of Jesus Christ.

Throughout my life I tried to figure out my purpose in everything, and to find the deepest meaning to be alive and to understand my existence. There have been many seasons of winters in my life where it was too tough to handle, and that I would try to carry all the weight of my problems on my own.

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I had a bad habit of keeping everything to myself, and not speaking to anyone about it. Inside my mind I thought, “Why would anyone care?” I was stuck in a mentality that continued to ruin me. I was constantly drowning in my twisted thoughts and emotions where I was left to face myself. There was a voice that was telling me that, “You’re worthless!” “You’re not good enough!” “You’re not going anywhere in life!” “You’re pathetic!” And with that I believed a lie. I believed a lie of the expectations of what the world tells us how to live, and what other people say and dictate on how we should live our lives. It was the enemy telling me lies, and I just let it affect me.  All of this was completely messing me up inside. I did feel worthless. I felt I was never good enough for anything. I felt I was going no where with my life, and I did feel pathetic.

I started to fall into depression as a teenager, and it lasted throughout my years in college.  As the years went by it would just get worse and worse. It got to the point where I couldn’t feel anything. I was just so numb and empty inside. I didn’t want to be alive. I started to look at life in a dark way…I wanted to die! There were many times where I thought about killing myself and how would I have done it. At times I would ask myself why I was waking up every day and I couldn’t find a good enough reason to continue on. There were many times I wanted to call it quits right there and then. I felt worthless, hopeless, angry, bitter, selfish, alone, empty, numb, confused, and frustrated. Even though I had many people in my life such as family and friends…something was missing. There was a huge void in my heart. Many times I would fill that void and emptiness. I would seek out things that would only satisfy me temporarily. I would try to attain such instant gratification that the world offered, such as going out and getting drunk when I got the chance, to sitting in front of a computer and viewing inappropriate material that I shouldn’t be viewing, or trying to have all the materialistic things that I didn’t need and deserve. I would always take, take, take. It would be anything to make me feel something; to make me feel alive for a moment, but really everything was making me dead. And in the end I became so empty and broken. I believed a lie that all I see, have, and physically experience is all I get. I was dying inside. I felt like I was suffocating.

In the midst of all of this I felt that something was calling me. Something was tugging at my heart. Did I want to ignore it? I sure did. I was afraid what was going to happen if I responded to what convicting me. But then it was until one night I prayed to God while I was at my lowest low. I was extremely depressed and my heart was extremely burdened. I prayed, “Please God, take this pain away. Please take this hurt away. I cannot carry on with this burdened heart and sorrow. I cannot carry on this weight. Take it away because I cannot go on anymore!” Even though I prayed this prayer I was expecting something instant. But then I later realized that God was teaching me something. He was teaching me to be patient.

There are many ways people cope with what they go through both in a good way, and unfortunately in a bad way. For me to cope with all I was going through internally, art and music became an outlet that allowed me to deal with everything. But what really helped me cope was music. To be able to relate what people write about, and share personal stories and experiences is something I’m strongly attracted to.  The artist that I have been strongly attracted to is a band called Flyleaf. They’re a group of friends who are Christians who write about personal stories and experiences that had a message and moral that I was able to relate to immediately. The one thing was able to relate to strongly was with the personal testimony of the lead singer, Lacey, of her struggle with severe depression and suicide, and how God of the universe brought her out of that. Their music had helped through the tough times. Listening to their music and witnessing how honest and real they are with the gift that God has blessed them has changed me and has brought me closer to the Lord. It’s amazing how powerful an outlet like music can help and connect with others on a level that’s beyond of understanding.

I decided to give my life to the Lord in November 2008. I got baptized and from then it has been a crazy journey with many challenges that have be laid before me.  Even though there have been countless struggles since that time, I have learned to have complete faith in the Lord and not lean to my own understanding.  It was not until recently things have been really changing since September 2010. I felt God was calling me for something. My heart has been yearning for change, for connection, understanding, and above all an eternal love.  It was when I decided to join the young adult college age ministry called Afterhours at my church, Eastside, in early Fall. I truly believe God had guided me there. I believe my life had completely changed after that. It has been a complete blessing for me, but as well for Afterhours. I’ve been able to connect and understand with others there. It’s been a true gift to be able to have a community such as Afterhours and have such great fellowship with one another. I’ve never met such loving, caring people in my life. Ever since joining Afterhours, God has guided me to paths that I wouldn’t have done on my own. It is how I found out about My Broken Palace, which I am so thankful to be a part of and to be involved with such passionate, loving people. For awhile I’ve been yearning to be involved in something great that helps people that deal through issues that I’ve gone through, and so God has guided and placed me with My Broken Palace to help spread the voice and light of hope. Also through My Broken Palace, it is how I found about Derekstar whom are a group of amazing artists. I know God plans to use my gifts that He has blessed me to use to the fullest with them. It is no coincidence that I am with these two ministries that God has great plans for!

Bearing a gift of a new heart, I see life in a different way than before. I see it in a new light, and I don’t feel the heavy weight on my heart that I was carry for so long.  Looking back then and seeing who I am now, I am not the same person who I was, and I can see that clearly with God’s love. His love, grace, and mercy have brought me out of that darkest pit I was in. I am so thankful to be alive and to see each and every day! I am thankful that He has always been there for me despite of all of my faults and mistakes, and that He never gave up on me when there were many times I wanted to give up on myself. I wouldn’t be alive today if it weren’t for His love. It has been truly amazing how God has been blessing me with everything one moment at a time. All the glory goes to Him!

There is so much that I have learned from everything that I have gone through. I can truly say that I’ve witnessed the growth and change within me. It’s only a feeling you can only experience yourself because all the words cannot describe the feeling of change I’ve experienced within myself.  As cliché as it sounds, everything happens for a reason, and that reason is because God has a masterful plan for all that goes on in this world. I’ve learned so much about myself, and I still continue to learn more as life goes on. I appreciate life in a new way.  I have a greater understanding in many things. After experiencing what I’ve gone through, my heart goes out to those who have gone through the issues, and those who are going through something right now.  I wouldn’t be able to recognize the pain and suffering in someone else if I hadn’t gone through it myself.  I am able to experience the sweet comfort of joy through the love and mercy of God’s Holy Spirit. To be able to acknowledge where I was and see who I am today…there is so much hope in that.

To anyone that reads this and is struggling with anything, I want to let you know that there is hope and this love.  The hope and love that God gave to this broken world by coming down to be with us is His Son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I want to say that if you are carrying a weight on your heart, I want you to know that you are not meant to carry that burden. You’ve gone through too much for your age and that you try to carry the weight of it all, and you fall right under. You are not alone! There is hope in the midst of all the suffering. I pray that you’ll just let go of whatever is weighing you down and give it to the Lord because He has already paid the price for our sins and our suffering. He is always there for you and will never forsake you. If there is ever a single thought or moment where you question your purpose or have doubt, I pray that God will guide you and open your heart. And if you ever feel or someone tells you that you are worthless, pathetic, and that you are not worthy of anything, I want to let you know that is a lie! You are worth so much more than you know! You are worth something! You were bought at a price! I encourage all who have a story to share it!  You never know how much it will help someone unless you voice your story! We need to love one another, encourage others, and help those in need. Be surprised that you’re still alive, because this is not an accident. God has implanted each and every one of us with a great purpose that only you can fulfill the way that you were made for! My dear friends never forget that! And never let anyone or the world dictate on how you should live your life. You have a purpose, a calling, and God is here to guide in that path that you were created for. I’m not talking about a job or a career, but really who you are as a person. When everything seems to be all lost, there is a hope deep within us still. Hold on to that hope and love. Joy will come! Keep forever hope, faith, joy, and above all love. Remember life is short and precious. So live it fully alive. Memento Vivere!

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” - Romans 5:1-5

Serve One Another in Love

For the last two weeks at WitnessLA.org we’ve featured the stories and testimonies of Christians in the entertainment industry.  We’re concluding the series today with our friend Jon Lee’s thoughts on the meaning of true leadership and how we can all make a difference.

A pastor once said to me that Southern California has a disproportionate influence over the rest of this nation and the rest of the world. And I came to Hollywood to change the world and to get one message across from Galatians 5:13, “serve one another in love.”

I currently am a Producer / Development Executive for an independent production company and my path to this position has been a long learning process of working hard and really trying to better those around me, or as I like to call it, servant leadership. Through my work with cast & crews and the work that I will hopefully have on-screen, I want to spread this idea of servant leadership, of serving one another in love, to the world. 

Imagine a society where everyone lived to serve each other, and everyone served you in return, which would only make you want to serve everyone else more. Wouldn’t the possibilities be endless for the things everyone could achieve? There would be no space for jealousy or selfishness in an environment of unity, only encouragement and ideas designed to maximize one’s potential.

Unfortunately, the model doesn’t really exist in Hollywood (or most of the real world) because many people, including myself, can find ourselves to be self-seeking.

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So how do we change? Most of us are limited to a only few close people that we would bother to serve in love, but don’t let that discourage you. We can serve each other in close quarters, one by one, hoping that as we impact a friend, family member, or stranger, and that they will go on to impact another. Maybe after long enough, we can reach a tipping point, and our goal will be met. And that’s why I chose to work in the arts & entertainment industry. Mass media has a way of influencing society unlike any other profession, and I hope this is how I can do my part.

But the thing I want you to take away from this message, and in fact from all of the fantastic guest entries this past week here on WitnessLA.org, is that you don’t have to be in Arts & Entertainment to make a difference or to have influence. Be a servant leader, in your homes, in your schools, in your communities. If we all as Christians serve with love, change will happen. It all begins within your heart through a breaking that comes from the realization of His sacrifice. That transformation will change your life, your perspective, the way you talk and walk and think— and it can change the world.   

Let’s start by serving each other in love. Let’s start now.

Jon was an Associate Producer for the film “Formosa Betrayed” - you can watch the trailer here:

Finding God in Video Editing & Design

All this week at WitnessLA.org we’re featuring the stories and testimonies of Christians in the entertainment industry.  Our friend Michael Chang shares his story of how he went from an obscure town in West China to realizing his gift for video editing and graphic design.

You can see Michael’s work here: http://vimeo.com/16557365

I’d like to say it all began in 2010 when I read in an article in the Christianpost someone praying to God, saying, Lord, raise up powerful witnesses in the video entertainment industry. I remember the desperation in his voice and him asking God, where are they? Where are your prophets in that sphere of influence? I know that God heard that man’s prayers and several others like them. Why? Because in 1988, way before that man from the Christianpost even thought about praying that prayer, God already heard it and answered it.

In the Bible it says, God uses the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and the weak to shame the strong. This could not be more true of who I am. When God wanted to use someone to challenge Hollywood (and of course there are several others) did he find someone in California? Did he look to someone who would be born into the entertainment culture? No, instead, he looked halfway around the world in China. And did he look for someone with a rich family who could afford to travel to the US? Or did God look for this person in a big city like Beijing or Shanghai where opportunities were widespread? No, instead, he looked for him in the most western part of China, bordering Tibet, in an undeveloped city called Xining. And he found me, in a broken and poor family.

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I can imagine God peering into my elementary school when I was 5 years old, thinking who will I chose? And he sees all the children playing around but then notices one child, who because of disobedience, was forced to stand in the corner of the wall, and God thinking, “Aha! I will use him.” That him, is me. And now, 17 years later, against all odds, that child is in the US with a degree in the arts, and is on his way to making God’s name known through video.

“If God is for you, who can be against you”?

Once God begins working in your life, does he stop? No, never, instead He sustains you. After one miracle, comes many more. I used to always make up movies in my head. I would act them out in my head, while jumping around on my bed and making noises with my mouth. College apps were approaching and I didn’t know or really care about what I would major in. Then one day in my room, I remember thinking, “Hey, I wanna make videos.” And I prayed, “Lord, if you let me make videos, I will use it for you.” It really was more of a dream than something feasible. I had never made videos before my senior year in high school. Every one of my classmates did, but not me. I remember one day, I went up to a classmate of mine who made a lot of videos and I told him I wanted to major in something video related. He just laughed at me. And I laughed with him. Everyone thought it was a stupid idea, including me. Everyone, except God.

Fast forward a little more. I got into college by accident. The school opened up a new major called ‘New Media’ which taught video. It was an accident because when I applied, they didn’t know I was an incoming freshman and thought I was a sophomore transferring in. The dean called me a couple days after I got admitted and told me the deadline for freshman had passed a long time ago, but since it was their fault, they would let me in anyways. Getting into New Media wasn’t that easy either. Out of the 300 students, I was one of the 10 that got in.

The 3 remaining years of college were historic. It was the most incredible time of my life so far. I know it’s only because God’s hand was upon me. He blessed every video that I did. At the end of my freshman year, when I made my first video in a drawing class, my teacher and all the students knew at that moment that making videos would be my career (maybe because I sucked at drawing). By the end of my senior year, I was getting a lot of freelance work and everyone knew me as “the video guy.” I had worked at almost every video-related job in and around campus. I started a film club, taught my own After Effects class, and was invited as a speaker for a graphic design series alongside famous graphic designers.

Perhaps the most incredible opportunity came when a company in LA asked me to make a background graphics video which would accompany a famous pastor/singer/author Jaeson Ma wherever he performed. Currently the video is played on tour with the 1040 movie in several countries around the world in the US, Asia, Africa, and Europe. How amazing that God would have prepared me for this. To make his LOVE known across the world through a video that I made. And for it to go on tour with one of the most impactful films made about the rise of Christianity, the 1040movie.

So now, that brings us to the present. And like I already mentioned, once God begins working in your life, more miracles are sure to come! Currently I’m working at a company called Plan C Group. My dream is to create documentaries that incorporate music and God’s word that will transform lives. 

It’s been a struggle moving to LA. The last four months have been difficult financially, to the point where I have very little, like my childhood days in China. But I’ve learned that there’s something special and unique about being poor and broken. When I look around at all the rich people around me, I’m not discouraged but rather encouraged. I know God is with me and I know that He who did not spare even His own son, but gave him up for us all, how could he not along with him, graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:32). There is something humbling about being poor, and lessons you can only learn while in this state. There are some aspects of Christ you can only picture and experience while being poor. I will be thankful and I will sit here at his feet, humbled, but joyful and with eager expectations for this time and for the future! Please pray for me, that my heart will be in the right place before every video I make. I even pray for my clients that they would be blessed. Because without prayer, a video is just a video and it is powerless.

Below are two music videos Michael created for our friend Jaeson Ma:

The New Definition of Hollywood

All this week at WitnessLA.org we’re featuring the stories and testimonies of Christians in the entertainment industry.  Our friend Dinah shares her story of how she came to work in Hollywood and how she hopes to see it change.

Hollywood is defined on the web as “the film industry of the United States” or a term to describe something that is “flashy and vulgar”. What comes out of Hollywood often influences what people in the world see as the values of America and Christians. When I was in High School, I was faced with the reality that the values of Hollywood did not align with my own. I remember God saying to me that he wanted me to get rid of my Hip-Hop/rap music that was glorifying sex and violence. So I got rid of all of it and since then would avoid listening or watching anything that did not glorify Him. Being so out of touch with the latest popular media, I am still a little dumbfounded to find myself working in the Hollywood industry. To me, that itself is a witness that God is on the move to align Hollywood with Himself.

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Almost three years ago I was working as a youth director at a church and took a few of the youth to a conference. At the conference, they shared about the 7 mountains of society and how those mountains influence society. They named them off and asked those called into a particular mountain to stand for prayer. As I read through the list, none seem to resonate with me, but when they read off Arts & Entertainment, my heart jumped and without any word my co-leader flung me out of my chair. It was a puzzling experience for a girl who did her undergrad and graduate school in mission. I’ve been planning to be an overseas missionary for as long as I can remember.

 As I continued to teach my youth group that serving God wasn’t just about doing things in the church, but about using your talents/gifts to bring God values into the mountains, I was convicted that I needed to do the same. I took a step of faith and decided to step out of the youth director role and see what doors Hollywood had for my administration gifting.

 The day after I set my release date at the church, I was forwarded an email for a position as Personal Assistant for a campus pastor. Since it was only part-time and non-media related, I thought it would a good opportunity to see where I stood on the job market. In the process of the interview, I found out the person was transferring from being a campus pastor to an entertainment artist. Who but God would have been able align that up?

This was the only job I applied for and took it in faith hoping that it will be full time within a year or two. During that year, God gave him and me both a sabbatical year that was to prepare us for the time to come. In the next year, I was moved to Los Angeles for a full time job for a media company whose focus is to impact Hollywood with positive media to turn around what is being used for harm.  

So for me working in Hollywood itself, testifies that God is on the move to redeem what Hollywood stands for. He is bringing together those whose eyes and ears are attuned to Him to establish His Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. I look forward to the day when I type Hollywood in on the Internet and find the new definition for it to mean righteousness and justice instead of flashy and vulgar.