Getting to No

I remembered being attracted to him when we first met but I kept it to myself because I knew he wasn’t Christian, and also I was secretly scared I didn’t have a chance. When he asked me out I didn’t hesitate to say yes. He kissed me on our first date and naturally I liked it. The chemistry is off the charts when you’re attracted to someone. We only made it through two dates before God intervened.

I knew it was wrong to date him. Even though we both agreed it would be casual (no sex, open relationship with zero intention for marriage) I knew God wouldn’t permit it since he wants his kids to be with liked yolk (2 Corinthians 6:14). I had serious intentions to end it before feelings and soul ties developed but I didn’t do it. I was knowingly sinning against God because I knew the truth but I couldn’t get myself to do the right thing. I was strong enough to keep it just to kissing during the first two dates but I had serious doubts I could keep it up for long. Lucky for me God intervened and saved both me and him from committing sexual sin.

I struggle with lust and maintaining purity in romantic relationships. Before I knew Jesus I thought sexual consummation equaled love in relationships. How could you not want to be intimate with someone you care deeply about? I reasoned sex was warranted in relationships when two people have strong feelings of love. I thought it was in line with God’s definition however the caveat was you had to be in a committed relationship like marriage, which God deems as a safe and healthy place for couples to unionize in a holy manner. And I knew why—-we develop soul ties and get attached. It’s this bond that helps keep us together for the long haul —-God’s intended design for relationships (What are soul ties —-> http://www.greatbiblestudy.com/soulties.php).  I’ve been in relationships that dragged on for almost 5 years because our soul ties were so strong we couldn’t fully cut each other out until we formed “ties” with others. I wasn’t fully freed from my soul ties until I experienced healing and deliverance prayer three years earlier. I knew I was healed but the urge for sex didn’t go away.

I said no to the third date only because I was sick but as I was getting better I knew I couldn’t stay away for long. We sent flirty texts to each other all day. It was borderline sexting (sex texting). I couldn’t stop thinking about him in that way. It was so bad I had to go for walks to “cool down”. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me because 3 years earlier I had zero problems maintaining purity for God. I’d date guys for weeks to months at a time and not so much as kiss them. Sex didn’t cross my mind and lust wasn’t even on the radar. But in this particular situation I wasn’t doing so well. I was so ashamed because I knew God’s word but I couldn’t get myself to do the right thing. I told no one which made the situation worse. I continued to secretly talk to him.

After another steamy text session I sensed God telling me to lookup Romans 6:12-23, which was about refraining from sinning of the flesh. I immediately became fearful and I prayed God would make the lustful feelings go away, but that didn’t happen fast enough so I repented my sin of lust and begged God to keep the guy far away from me because I wasn’t strong enough to stay away. God answered that prayer immediately.

For the next two and half months “unforeseen circumstances” kept occurring in both our lives that made it IMPOSSIBLE for us to meet up. His computer at work crashed, he had car problems, then he had to work late. Stuff happened to me too. Dad got sick so I had to leave LA and stay NorCal for 2-3 weeks, then I had to work late, I was out of commission because mom offered to pay for mole removal surgery, then the planned events where we were suppose to “run into each other” got canceled 3 times. The list went on.

During that time apart my desire to do lustful things dissipated as God showered me with tremendous grace and love. He got me to a place where I was strong enough to permanently end the relationship, not because of guilt or shame, but because I had fallen so in love with Jesus I couldn’t continue to hurt him anymore. God didn’t want me to see that guy but God gave me the free will to say no. By taking over the situation he helped eased me into a place where I could think clearly and empowered me to a point where I could be strong.

1 John 5:14-15

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

(http://www.crosswalk.com/singles/1376192/ info on christian dating)

Our Father is Always Faithful

The Lord is truly good.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33)

I realized that the Lord is so faithful when we remain in His love through obeying what He desires. His commands are not there to make you feel used or abused (although many misrepresent God to be that way). His commandments say “do not murder,” “do not commit adultery,” “do not bear false witness…” Is it that horrible to not murder, cheat and lie to someone? If that is the case, why are there people that hate on the God when He asks us to obey these directions? I believe if all mankind would simply obey what He desires for us to do, I’m sure we would be living in a different world.

But of course this isn’t the case. Our natural inclination is for selfishness. Think about it. People don’t start out wanting to kill people, lie, cheat on their spouses… We are a fallen world that is in need of a savior. And that savior is Jesus Christ.

I know this post is for what is happening currently. There is a lot going on in my life that I can delve into. However I feel it appropriate for some reason to share a bit of my former life before coming to Christ. For whoever out there that is in need of someone to understand and to possibly find hope, read on.

I grew up in a family of four. My father was a compulsive gambler for 15 years, causing us to lose our house, cars, and relations to extended family members. We have filed for bankruptcy, ran away to Korea to escape the threats of loan sharks, and had lawsuits on us. I had moved to the cities of Cerritos, Bellflower, La Mirada, Downey, Northridge, Granada Hills, and Los Angeles all in my elementary years. Why? When you don’t know where the rent check is going because your father has an addictive problem, you get kicked out. It was in Northridge that my family hit rock bottom, as my mother contemplated suicide asking her church friends if suicide was okay. My brother had pains in his stomach but we could not afford to take him to the hospital. I was a very confused child, and luck would have it, picked up the habit of shoplifting and watching pornography. And to make matters worse… The Northridge earthquake destroyed our home.

I don’t know how I am living today. There were more details to follow, as I involved myself with drugs, gang members and a life filled with vengeful anger. I hated life, my family and the misery I created for myself.

During my freshmen year in high school, I was very truant and disruptive at Gahr High school. In addition to the multiple suspensions for threatening teachers, creating commotion at school, I was getting beat at home. Most of it was my fault. I created the mess that infuriated my parents. But I can attest to the emotional damage that physical abuse can produce in a child. Even now, after many years of healing, I have tendencies to react to hurtful words with instant defense. Being called obscene names, hit in the face with various items (i.e. telephone, cups, etc.) it’s a blessing I wasn’t beat with a golf club or bats like some of my friends. I recall one time that I was caught shoplifting at Costco. My father was informed of the situation. He grabbed me, beat me, and all that there was left was freshly colored burgundy stains on our white carpet, all extracted from my shivering face. My mother was bruised from being the buffer between my father’s fists and my face. For some reason, as I write this I cannot help but tear up knowing that there are still some of you out there that have suffered like this before (or still is)… [click “Read More” below to continue]

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God answers secret prayers

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart”

Jeremiah 1-5

My heart did not come to know this verse until 5 years ago when I began google searching what my name meant.  All my life my parents said it meant “adorable” but I questioned that meaning after my minister gave me this verse.  Because I accepted Jesus later in my life I was curious as to how he could know me when I lived apart from him for so long.  I grew up in a Buddhist worshipping family that dates back many generations.  I thought my Vietnamese name had some ties to Buddhism since Buddhism and the Vietnamese culture were intertwined for centuries.  I didn’t understand how I belonged to Jesus (that he created me) when I was brought up in a home with heavy soul ties to Buddhism.   I wanted to ask God directly but was too scared to question his sovereignty.  I couldn’t ask my minister either since I told him I understood everything he lectured about Jeremiah 1-5.  Although I didn’t take it to God I didn’t stop asking the question.  It was like a secret prayer.   I didn’t know it at the time but the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to reconcile those doubts.

After months of wrestling with this verse, the Holy Spirit put on my heart to lookup the meaning of my name.  As mentioned I thought it meant adorable but after a few minutes on google I learned the truth about who I am and whose I am.  The name My-Linh means “beautiful gentle spirit”.  I was very surprised to learn my name didn’t have any tries to Buddhism since the religion doesn’t really believe in spirits (or that spirits can be in people). The funny part about the meaning is I kind of saw myself that way—-or at least wanted to be that way.  I immediately called my minister and told him.  We cried together.  I felt such a strong conviction from the Holy Spirit that God the Father and Jesus Christ knew me so intimately because they created me.  I was really theirs.

I still don’t know why God chose to write the story of our relationship this way but I’m starting to care less about the why and just focusing on my Father’s love. Besides, the root question wasn’t how or why but am I really his?—- he told me I am.

God is very active in our lives because it is his deepest desire to be in relationship with us. When we call out in a way that lets him reveal who he is, he will answer.  I learned God answers all prayers, even the ones we keep in secret…the things we want to ask but don’t for one reason or another.   A few weeks later I heard a worship song by Tommy Walker that testifies to this moment, called “He knows my name”. It was so amazing to sing this song in praise of God because it was more than worship, it was my personal testimony with him.

“He knows my name,

He knows my every thought,

He sees each tear that falls,

And He hears me when I call”

“Everything Came Back to Me!”

Our friend Esna, an aspiring musician here in LA, sent us an incredible testimony about answered prayer and God working in her life that we wanted to share:

Two Friday nights ago (Jan. 22) I was out with my friends and I parked my car on a yellow loading zone knowing that it was ok to do that after 6:30pm. By the time I got back to my car around 2am, it wasn’t there. I immediately started panicking not knowing what to do because it had never happened to me before. I started calling a bunch of people but they weren’t answering and I decided to call 911. They told me that I should report it as a stolen vehicle. I was hoping that my car had just been towed, and I kept calling all the tow places near that area, but they said they didn’t have it. Two of my friends ended up coming to pick me up and I had to spend the night at my friend’s house.

The next morning, still in disbelief, I called the tow places all over again only to hear that they still didn’t have my car.  At this point I was realizing all the things that were in my car. The most important to me was my guitar, a classical guitar. It’s not an expensive one, but it was the first guitar that I ever owned and the first guitar that I picked up and tried to play and figure out chords on. It was full of sentimental value. I wanted to keep him forever. Second, was my diary. I went to a missions trip with my work (a musical choir where I choreograph) to Beijing and that’s where I started to write in that diary so it had a lot of memories written down. Then there were other things like my rainboots, clothes, sleeping bags, and things like that.  All of it was gone.

I was without a car for three days. I kept thinking about all the things I had to do in the upcoming week: auditions, photo shoot, music video shoot, short film shoot, work etc. I couldn’t get over the fact that because I didn’t have a car my life was in shambles. But it was in these three days that I finally took the time to talk to God. I had been too busy thinking about things that I had to do that I wasn’t spending any time with God or giving him thanks for anything.

I’m pursuing a career in entertainment and recently things had been going really well for me. I now realize that this was a way for God to slow me down and make me realize what is really important at the end of the day. I realized that God is the ultimate provider, not me. He showed me the goodness in people which I was starting to believe wasn’t there. People offered to buy me a new guitar and even help with paying for a new car. People were offering rides and even offering to lend their car to me.  God was providing in the midst of what I was going through.

Now during this whole time people were praying for the return of my car (which I didn’t find out until afterwards).  But their prayers were completely answered because the police finally called and said they had found my car.  Incredibly, it was returned to me in one piece, not a scatch.  And my guitar and all my other belongings were still in the car!  EVERYTHING came back to me.  It was a miracle. 

Prayers were definitely answered and I was reminded once again of the magnitude of our God. He cared for me so much, that he broke me to realize that I need Him. If I didn’t go through this experience, I would’ve fallen into arrogance and probably strayed away more and more.

I’m thankful and more mindful and humble of the opportunities that are coming my way because of all this madness. :)

Coda to this amazing story - here’s a video we found of Esna performing one of her songs on that favorite guitar that was lost, but came back to her through prayer:

A Lord of Second Chances

Our good friend Deborah King has an incredible testimony about answered prayer and sent us the awesome story below.  It’s so inspiring to see God truly moving in someone’s life, and how He wants to fully heal us, redeem us and make us whole.  Thanks for sharing, Deborah!

The Issue

Before I proceed, I pray that whoever you are, this testimony will bring a light onto your life.  I hope that you realize that all of us are broken in each of our own ways, and that a step towards healing is to truly desire to be changed.  The purpose of this blog is to provide an avenue for us to understand that we are not alone in our struggles and that there are those exactly like us, sometimes within arms reach.  Although I am in no position to give advice on how to change, I can serve as a living witness of a broken person who has the desire to change, and now, I have the strength of the Father on my side. 

The Questions to Ponder

How many times do we realize the sin that spurs inside us, yet we do nothing about it?  How often do we let our thoughts, words and actions hurt others around us so that we can feel an unfulfilling sense of self-empowerment?  How frequently do we mutter meaningless apologies after hurting another without truly feeling the sincerity behind our “sorry”?  How many times do we say we’ll change for the better, but fail to understand the TRUE meaning of what it means to change or forget the TRUE reason we are changing?  The answer to all of the above questions, for most of us at least, is too often. 

As an adult who has gone through her share of ups and downs, I can honestly say that Sunday, January 10, 2010 was one of the most substantial life-changing moments of my life.  By “substantial” I don’t mean being recipient to an overly generous gift, an honorary reward, or a life-long accomplishment, I am referring to the touch of God in my life so unique that I know, without a doubt, that it was meant just for me and that from that point onwards, my life is in good hands.   

I am in the process of resolving the root of personal issues that have enslaved me for the majority of my life.  One of these is to break my sharp tongue.  For some time now, I have been experiencing relational difficulties.  Without thinking or stopping for a moment, I would constantly blurt our words of hatred and contempt, words so hurtful that I knew if said to me, would wound deeply.  Yet, after all that was said and done, I would feel terrible for the damage that I caused and attempt to make up for it with apologies.  I struggled with wanting to be a better person, but was not able to control my words, thoughts or actions.  This black and white, yin and yang battle honestly debilitated me to an unhealthy and dangerous point.  On Saturday, after yet another episode of this, I literally got on my knees and cried to God for help.  I remember saying, “God, I can’t do this by myself.  I am too weak.  Please help me! I give you full control!”  This prayer was at 4:00 a.m. on Sunday, January 10, 2010. 

The Message

After waking up, I immediately heard or felt (and I say “heard” or “felt” because there are no words to adequately describe what it was) something tugging at my heart and mind to open the Bible.  Because I still had time before having to get ready for Church, I ignored this voice or feeling and tried to go back to sleep.  This voice or feeling persisted over and over, until I opened the Bible and turned to James 3:1 through 12.  I read the scripture, I sat in awe, and I immediately knew that this was the voice of God speaking to me and the answer to my prayers.  To be brief, James 3:1 through 12 speaks about Taming the Tongue.  It teaches us that our tongues are like fire that corrupts the whole person and sets our lives on fire.  It says that we cannot praise the Lord and speak words of evil from the same mouth, just as fresh water and salt water cannot flow from the same spring.  I knew that this verse was God telling me that I had to change my ways and that my hurts and hang ups were because of the damages caused by my mouth.   

The Sermon

Turns out, God wasn’t done speaking to me.  Amazingly, the sermon that morning touched exactly on James 3:1 through 12.  Call this coincidence, an unlikely probability, or whatever you want, but of the entire Bible (which happens to be a large book filled with amazing testimonies,) the sermon was based on that same scripture.  Needless to say, I listened very carefully and took notes.  I wasn’t about to let God’s message slip away.  As service progressed, I understood the reasons for the message:  Reason one: God reaffirmed His presence in my life and assured me that this was not mere coincidence, reason two: God let me know that He was answering my prayers and that I was not alone, reason three: God made sure His guide to me was complete.  He told me what to change, and how to change.  The scripture teaches us to Tame our Tongue, and the sermon taught me how to tame my tongue.  The pastor advised that we need to resort to sprit control and this could be done by: 

1. Yielding to God – Give God the right of way.
2. Change and Cultivate your mind – We say what is on our minds, so we need to be wary of what we meditate on.
3. Obey God’s word – As Psalm 119 says, the start of obedience comes from reading God’s word, the Bible.
4. Rest
5. Resolve Conflict

After service, I felt filled with the Holy Spirit and with a sense of peace and comfort that I hadn’t felt in a long time.  This sense of peace and comfort reminded me that God didn’t forget about me, that He heard my cries for help, and that I was not left alone to face my debilitating problems.  I also gained knowledge on what I had to change and how to do it. 

Miracles continue

Several days later I was reading emails generated from the prior week.  I opened up the Church’s weekly newsletter dated the Thursday before Sunday, January 10, 2010.  Right there in front of me, it stated that that Sunday’s message was originally going to be on Isaiah 58, which addresses True Worship and Fasting and does not talk about Taming the Tongue.  What does this tell me?  That sometime between Thursday and Sunday’s Church service, something prompted the pastor to change his entire sermon.  I truly believe that God heard my cry, and the cries of others, and spoke to the pastor to preach on a matter that would bring healing to our lives. 

Realization

I realize that our Lord is a God of second chances.  He is always there and will answer your prayers as long as you let Him.  You are not in control of your own life.  If you think that way, you are wrong.  We live in a control-orientated and self-fulfilling society with our awards, recognition and business cards.  We think we have our own lives under our sleeves, but when something diverges from its comfortable course, we panic and we point fingers.  The truth is, we don’t know what is good for ourselves, and we too often let what we selfishly think is right trump what God has planned for us.  With that, bad decisions are made, hurtful words are spoken, and damaging actions are done.  Why don’t we try and relinquish full control to God?  It probably won’t be an easy path, but I guarantee that it will be the most fruitful and fulfilling decision you will make. 

-Deborah King

A Personal Miracle in Tithing

I was thinking of including this story in my longer one about tithing below, but since the story still blows me away, I thought it deserved its own post.

Since I started fully tithing, God has not only brought financial stability and blessings into the heart of my family, but God has answered prayer in a really profound and undeniable way in my giving life.

Ever since I took God to the test, my weekly tithe has been $200.  I remember distinctly in September there were two weeks where I was on vacation and away from church.  I was so tempted to take that tithing money and keep it for myself.  “Imagine what I could use that $400 for,” I remember thinking to myself.  I could use it to buy the bike I’ve been saving up for, I could buy the recording equipment I’ve always wanted, I could get the newest coolest clothes, I could pay down my student loans quicker.  The enemy was tempting me, and I started even thinking about the $800 a month I had committed to God, as first fruits.  My 10 year old VW Jetta had been having a ton of issues recently, and had recently cost me over $2000 to fix all the things that had been failing.  And even after all that money, there was still a leaking oil smell burning into the cabin and the engine would constantly die whenever it was cold outside.  The temptation was there - with that $800 I could go and lease a new car - any kind of luxury car I wanted for the most part.  I could have that car I always wanted.

So as I was on vacation, these temptations were on my mind, but God, ever so gently, started convicting me about my faith in Him, and what He was doing in my life.  I kept getting this feeling, this prodding, that I should just continue to trust Him, and that he would be doing amazing things in my life through continued faith financially.  So after about a week of this convicting, I decided that I was going to give that $400 in a tithe as soon as I got back from vacation.

But it wasn’t that I was some superhero of the faith - not by any means.  I was letting go of that money, but with teeth gnashed, almost unwilling to let that go.  But I put God to the test.  I remember praying “Okay God, I hear your voice and your leading for me to be faithful in giving you this tithe.  But God, I’m still not in a good financial position.  I just pray God that you will use this money for your will, but that you will also continue to bless me and improve me in my finances.  Lord, I just pray for stability and for a sign that what I’m doing is pleasing to you.”  So with that prayer, I gave that extra $400 that next Sunday.

A few days after I made that tithe, we received our usual bi-weekly paychecks at the office.  I couldn’t believe my eyes when I opened my pay statement.  It was more than normal.  And more by exactly $400! 

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  God truly answered my prayer in a real and direct way.  And not only answering it, but answering it as if to say “there, do you believe me now?  How clear of an answer do you really need from me?”

And ever since that moment, I have no room to wiggle out when it comes to my tithing.  God has answered that prayer for me, spoken a clear Word to me, and all I can do is obey and accept all the continued blessings He’s pouring out for me.

So I Give More, and Have More?

I have never been good at doing what I’m told.  Everything in my personal testimony has been a story of having to learn the things the hard way.  Rather than taking the Bible as God’s promise to us and following its words, I’ve always been a skeptic and thought to myself, “that’s not going to work, at least not for me.”

So about six months ago, when my Christian friend at the office started encouraging me to begin fully tithing, I was naturally suspect.  She had been telling me that when she tithed and was faithful to God, God was providing more and more for her financially.  While it was a nice story, I didn’t have the faith that it would work for me.  

I had heard testimonies at my church to the same effect, that in a time of dire straights, one family had given God their last $900 in faithful tithing even though it was going to make them broke.  They relied completely on God’s provision in the face of losing everything and trusted that He would provide.  A few days later, when they were worried about making their mortgage payment, a stranger appeared at their doorstep and said he loved the way their front porch looked.  He wanted to know if he could film a commercial with their house as the backdrop.  The family was surprised, and when they agreed, the man paid them exactly $900.

Stories like this had really been encouraging me, but it was always a struggle for me when it came to trusting God with my finances.  I had never fully tithed before, and even the fact that I had started giving $20 a week was a big deal for me.  I wouldn’t have been even giving that small offering a week if it hadn’t been for my mother visiting my church with me a few months earlier on one of her trips down from the Bay Area.  I remember how convicting it was when she asked me if I was tithing, and when I said no, she asked “Who do you think pays for these wonderful Pastors?  Who pays for the seats you’re sitting in, the rent for this theater, the musicians and choir that make your worship powerful, even the electricity in the room?  Do you think all of this is just free?”

I had always been a poor financial steward of anything God had blessed me with.  Regardless of whether I was making $40k a year straight out of college, or the $160k I was making at my law firm, I always ended up with a net zero balance each month.  My spending had been out of control.  I had gotten caught up in the LA lifestyle, which is bigger, faster, better more.  So it was in this self-induced poor financial state that I was really convicted one day in church.  They shared the powerful verse of Malachi 3:10:

“‘Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,’ says the LORD Almighty, ‘and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.’”

Test me in this.  It was like the words were highlighted for me.  I had never trusted in God enough to have control over any area of my life, let alone my money, which I had wrongly thought I earned and were mine alone.  But given that I wasn’t doing a good job with my own finances, I remember praying really hard that day, saying “God, I trust you and I’m going to test you in this.  I’m going to start giving you a full tithe from today until you make your promises fulfilled in my life.  I pray that you will take control of my financial situation as you have promised, and that through this tithing you will bless everyone who comes to this church, and especially my sister, who until recently hadn’t gone to church in almost 15 years, and her two young girls, who I can’t allow to grow up not knowing you.”

That prayer was pivotal to me, that moment and that decision for faith.  2009 was a year all about me testing the waters with God, one toe in, to see what He could do as I gave Him more and more of the reigns to my life.  And flashing forward to the present, God has been more than faithful to his promises and answered my prayer to the “T.”  I don’t know how to explain it at all, but even though I set aside the first 10% for God now, my financial situation has been completely redeemed.  Every month I look at my bank accounts, and I can’t understand it, but instead of scraping by month to month against my spending, my savings are constantly increasing.  By giving more, I have more.  It’s a paradox that can only work because our God is the God of all.

And as I’ve been faithful to tithe and trust God more, He’s truly been bringing incredible blessing into my family and restored my sister’s growth with God.  I remember almost fifteen years earlier being on a family vacation with her in Hawaii and crying because she admitted to me that while she still believed, she didn’t go to church anymore because it wasn’t really relevant to her.  In fifteen years, she’d become a doctor, gotten married, had two kids, and being a regular church was far from her radar.  I think if you had asked her a year ago, she would’ve never thought she’d be in church again (even if she never stopped believing).  But God was faithful to us, to the point of overflowing.

My mother called me one day, full of excitement, that she had just been staying for a weekend at my sister’s house and she was noticing a real change in her and in her family from years before.  “Something’s really changed,” I remember her saying.  “The whole family prays together at every meal, the children know and talk about Jesus, and your sister seems to be more at peace.  Praise God!”  It was definitely God.

And to me, there’s no better proof than what my sister just said to me this week.  Someone had broken into her house, and instead of being angry, scared or full of frustration, the first thing my sister said to me about it was “God’s protection is really with our family.  Thank God that none of us were in the house when the intruder broke in.  God really protected us.”  To me, that filled me with joy from head to toe.  For my sister, the one that had broken my heart 15 years before, to be sitting there on the phone with me talking about God’s protection and God’s love was incredible to me.  I never would have expected any of this (financial stability, a sister back in church and committed to teaching her children about the Lord), but it’s amazing what a little faith and a big God can do.