Of Pride and Predjudice in South LA
“Don’t pidgen-hole me into this Asian-American sterotype of a naive student coming in here just wanting research to finish my Master’s paper.”
My boss stared at me, both flabbergasted and insulted. She replies back with, “I would be very careful of the way you word things around here.”
For several months, I have been working part time at a non-profit community development center in South Los Angeles, called “X” (name not mentioned to ensure privacy) to research for my Master’s paper, along with fulfilling the mission of the center. The organization seeks to leverage the collective voice of LAUSD parents and their children, by providing parenting/empowerment classes, making opportunities for civil engagement, and given individual attention to each family (case by case). My role at the center is to be a “parent counselor / case mananger” where I assess each parent’s level of involvement in their children’s lives with regards to educational success.
For the few months I have been there, I was given no translator till the 3rd week into the parent empowerment academy classes, given only a list of obscure objectives, and the green light to implement a pilot case management follow up program. Now, by pilot, I mean, I AM SUPPOSED TO CREATE AND EXECUTE the program. I am basically a counselor working with parents one-on-one to ensure that their children don’t end up dropping out of school now or in the future. Mind you, I’ve never been a case manager, let alone worked in South Los Angeles. I knew there was a atmosphere change when all the staff members continuously warned me not to walk to my car alone in the daytime (even if it’s 30 feet away). This area “South Central” was not as bad as the rappers claim it to be. Sure, it’s far from poshy West LA, but again, it’s not as ghetto glamorous.
Now that I’m two months away from my finishing my commitment with X, I’m honestly wondering how much longer I can stay here. The months here have been incredibly trying. I’ve felt very underestimated, and overworked. Some of the staff members do not understand how much time I have actually put into trying to make this program work. I have asked my boss several times for advice, to which I am replied with “I’ll get back to you later, I’m busy,” or “You don’t have any idea to the amount of work I do here,” or “If you can’t handle me being blunt, that’s your own issue. I could sugar coat things for you, but that’s not the real world.” Yep. That’s the kind of work environment I am in.
So the big question. What is God doing in all of this? Why has he brought me here? Has He brought me here?
Before I commited to working here, I prayed that God will direct me to the right one. Surely, this cannot be the right one? Surely He would never put me in a hostile environment? The Lord is not concerned with our conveniences, our justifications for the wrongs that have been inflicted upon us. As this reality is painful and sobering, the Lord has been teaching me several lessons along the way.
Lesson #1: Always encourage your employees
Last year, I was incredibly stressed out from producing a fair trade fashion show (freedomandfashion.com/freedomandfashion.tumblr.com). It was a huge success with over 16 partners, and $6000+ in vendor sales in one night. However, I was going bonkers throughout that time. People did not execute their tasks, and other people on the team suffered (including myself). Instead of encouraging or asking really hard questions to the lackadaical staff members, I avoided it and focused on staff members who were exectuitng tasks. This in turn created a lot of resentment and miscommunication. In addition, I had confrontation with one volunteer who did not execute his/her tasks for several weeks. I had to let him/her go. I was cussed out. I replied by telling him/her “I’m not going to sugar coat things for you, this is the real world and if you can’t execute, don’t take it personal, but I can’t have you on the team.”
Oh the irony.
This confrontation with my boss’ lack of communication with me, along with her constant stress making itself known through frustrated looks and condescending remarks, really angered me. She had no idea that I was getting an incomplete for the quarter because I cared more for the parents of the organization than I did about clarifying the question to my Master’s paper. She didn’t know how frustrated I was that I couldn’t speak Spanish. She had no idea that I was so sick of her never meeting with me, or that it seemed that she cared to air her opinions more than listen to suggestions or feedback. In short, she did not respect me (or in the way that I felt I should be respected as an employee).
How does this apply to me? I’m sure you obviously have pinpointed the irony here. The Lord is a good God that teaches through a gentle voice, or loud sufferings. Indeed this was (and is) a humbling time where I had to contact old volunteers and apology for the lack of clear guidelines, the stress I had, the lack of communication, etc.
Lesson #2: Learn from the Parent Empowerment Academy
I love youth. They make me laugh, laugh and laugh! This is in part due to my immaturity. Aside from this, I have learned a great deal about parenting through this organization. How to set goals for your children, finding out why some parents don’t seem to “care” (most do care, they don’t know how to take that care into action), how to bring hope for their children, etc. I know that one day soon I will be married and have children (be it biological, adopted, or run a school). This is golden information to me. The Lord is truly one step ahead!
Lesson #3: It’s not all about me
Oh yes. The most painful one. I always tell my boyfriend, “If I really wanted to do_____, I can do it. And I’ll be really good at it. I just know I will be.” The problem with God’s grace is that He let’s you get away with thinking that you can do it all with all that God has given to you. Of course, it an interesting problem to have. Without realizing how foolish we are in hindsight, we don’t know how fortunate we are as well. King Solomon had wisdom. He built gardens, buildings, had tremendous amount of wealth, power, and people resources. He did all these things to enjoy life, and yet, it wasn’t enough without God. The deep dissatisfaction he felt in material and personal achievements was real. I know without a doubt I am tremendously blessed. I have so much more than most people, and am fully aware of that. However, when I came to work for X and realized that I was going to be ignored several times, it drove me crazy. I saw what was happening structurally in the organizaiton, how it could be improved, how the parents needed this and that to make the program better, etc. It wasn’t a naive approach, it was simply because that is what I do normally, all day, all night - analyze and try to make things efficient. But when it was not wanted, and they just wanted me to just focus on one thing, it was quite humbling to say the least. It wasn’t about how I can improve the organization (though theorically it was supposed to be), but more of how I can submit to the structures around me for the time until I have enough experience and authority to say something. This was and is already difficult for me, especially when I like things to be done fast and well. It’s an issue of pride and control, and God is still working on currently.
There are more lessons I am learning, but for the sake of length I will end it on this note.
If you are expereiencing a painful or trying situation, instead of asking God to “take it away,” look to see how God is trying to teach you something about your character. Praise Him that He considers you worthy of his discipline for he “disciplines those He loves”. He is training you for even greater things. If you can face what He may be revealing to you, the outcome of character growth is far greater than the momentary pain you are experiencing.
“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering….But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ…”1 Peter 4 :12-13
