Bad Romance
God can do all things, even redeem events from our past. When you give Jesus everything you have, he gives you everything he has…
It had been about a year since my breakup but I still felt bad when I thought about it. The hurt and embarrassment were still there and the fear of getting hurt like that again was constantly in the back of my head whenever I went out of dates with other guys. I’ve had breakups before and although I was sad and hurt initially, I would usually recover quickly. The guy and I would work things out and we’d both make a concerted effort to be good friends afterwards. However in this particular case I had my first taste of bad romance.
We dated only briefly, about 4-6 months I think. We were never boyfriend and girlfriend. I think that was what made me sad. Although he liked me, he didn’t like me enough to want more and it was pretty much implied in the beginning, but I was extremely foolish (and not to mention full of myself) because I thought I could change his mind. I did my best to learn about his likes and interests so that I could be all things to him. I hid my true feelings from him so he wouldn’t think he had the upper hand but I suspected deep down he knew what was really going on. When I finally came to terms that the relationship needed to end, he beat me to the punch and ended things on the night I scheduled a dinner so that I could end things.
That night at dinner he said although he had a great time dating me, he needed to end things because he met someone else who he thinks could be the one. I lost it for a little bit and said I felt used and led on because he knew how I really felt but let things drag on because he was self-centered. Then I stopped for a bit and after a few minutes I regained composure and said it made sense to end things and that I wished him and the new girl the best.
We stopped talking since that night. I went through a healing process of grieving, relying on friends, reading self-help books, and doing everything and anything to keep my self busy so I wouldn’t have to think about what happened. Those things didn’t work so I sought God. I prayed for specific healing in areas of the relationship but I never fully gave everything up to God. I came to terms with the truth and repented my sins (how I was a willing accomplice) but I couldn’t help but feel bad whenever I thought it. Finally I changed my prayers and began to surrender the relationship, the breakup, and the current situation to Jesus. I didn’t know what to ask for so I just prayed that his will be done in it. God put it on my heart to pray forgiveness and blessings over this guy. My heart was changing and the memories were getting less painful. I thought this was my closure until I received a phone call from him. Out of the blue he called to ask how I was doing and how he wanted to get together. Since I didn’t pickup this was all on voicemail. I sensed God wanting me to talk to him but I dragged my feet and put off making a decision for a few days. He called again and left another message. I finally caved and called him back. It was the first time we talked in over a year. The conversation was brief and we made plans to have dinner. He was in Los Angeles and I was in Irvine at the time so he did the gracious thing and offered to meet me at 8pm on a weeknight. A small part of me celebrated when I learned he had to sit in two hours of traffic to get to Irvine.
I prayed and surrendered the situation to God and braced myself for what would happen next. To my surprise he asked me why I was hurt and if there was anything specific he did wrong because he wanted to make things right with me. At that moment I knew God was redeeming my bad memories of the relationship by giving me a new ending. I was finally getting the closure I needed to move on. My experience that night taught me the depth’s of God’s love for us. He has nothing but the best intentions for us and that if we were to trust him and we give him everything, including those shameful and broken parts of us, God is able to turn those things and turn them into something exceedingly and abundantly better than we could ever ask.
