Healing - You are NOT invited!
John 1:12-13 (New International Version):
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.
Almost 2 years ago, I took the day off from work and celebrated my 39th birthday….for the first time!!!!!!!
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This may not seem like a big deal to you, but for those of you who REALLY know me, the those are two things that I don’t usually do - take days off from work and celebrate my birthday. To do them simultaneously, is definitely God working in my life. Maybe you’ve always taken the day off, or hosted parties to invite friends and family. Perhaps even purchased your favorite bottle of wine and hung out with the girls or the fellows, went shopping, traveled or something out of the norm. For me it was quite different.
I have never mentioned my birthday before or after that day. I know for a fact that you’ve never received an invitation from me to celebrate my birthday because I have never sent one. For years I’ve hoped that people would forget my birthday. I recall avoiding phone calls, not doing dinners, intentionally working harder on every birthday or taking someone’s work shift, and offering to babysit for a couple just to expedite things and wait for the day to pass.
This attitude has often frustrated my husband and now my daughters. I would hear them waking up and preparing for the festivities as I remained in bed to avoid what was planned for me.
Due to my childhood experience growing up and later learning about how I was brought into the world, I felt as if I didn’t belong. Living with different family members made me feel like nobody wanted me and that caused me to build up a need for approval. I did this by excelling and working diligently. I figured if I just work hard enough and did all of the positive things, rather than what was expected (negative), I would one day earn the right to exist.
The irony is, I made it my business to send birthday cards to my friends each year because I wanted them to feel special on their birthday. I have already come to the conclusion that there was no hope for me.
There is so much more to my story. However, because it involves unhealthy decisions made by others, some of which are relationships that I am currently trying to mend, it would only be appropriate if they retain the right to tell their own story.
But look out world! For the very first time, on August 14, 2009, I celebrated my birthday with my family in person and my friends online. I announced it ahead of time and talked about it afterwards. I realized that I DO have a right to be here, and it is not because of any good that I have done, how hard I’ve worked, where I live, what type job I have, what kind of car I drive, or which charities I donate to. I have the right, because God said so.
My prayer is that all children who experienced foster care, adoption, abandonment, drug-abusing parents and illegitimate children (as the world calls it) would realize that no matter how we got here, we belong here because GOD said so. I hope that each year when you celebrate your birthday, you celebrate your life. I may not have been born out of love, but I am loved by all of my friends and family, and most of all by God. This I am sure of. I may not have contributed as much as I would like to to society, but on August 14, 2009, I freed myself and God validated me. I may be considered illegitimate to this earthly realm, but I am proud to be an heir to my Father’s Kingdom.
